LegenDAIRY discovery
by Yofuu
Summary: Elecman, suffering with severe cramps, comes to find out he is lactose intolerant. How does he and the other robot masters deal with this news?
1. Diagonists

"lacto-_what?_"

Elec man sat on the steel bed in Dr. Light's office and rubbed his stomach with a groan; He looked and felt like _death_. Ever since morning he had suffered with severe cramps. Despite feeling like he was being constantly punched in the stomach, he still performed his duties. He wasn't one to let something as insignificant as an upset tummy get in the way of his work; so he ignored the illness and worked through the cramps to the best of his abilities.

What he couldn't ignore, however, was when he had to take a break from said duties to purge his internals out in an alley way. Fireman saw this and all but drug him back to Light's office kicking and screaming; knowing full well that the robot master's pride wouldn't allow him to go on his own.

And so, here he found himself sitting in a somewhat chilly laboratory, with his only source of Background noise being the clacking of Dr. Light's keyboard and low murmurs to himself as he tried to figure out just what was wrong with him.

"_lactose intolerance._" Light repeated as he walked over with a clipboard in hand. "It means that your body cannot break down dairy products; sort of like an allergy. It's quite interesting, actually, I _know_ I built you all equally, but yet here you are with an allergy-for lack of better term. I know that robots have gotten more advanced over time, but I've never seen anything like _this! _It seems like with each passing day I get close to creating a robot that becomes more and more human-like! This is _amazing!_" Light raved as he studied his notes.

"Well I don't _feel _very amazing right now…" Elec man rubbed his stomach once more. "So what, does this mean I'm _broken _now?" He questioned, not knowing if what he was feeling right now was another cramp or the sheer embarrassment of someone seeing him at his absolute _ugliest_.

"Of course not, Elec man. This is a perfectly _natural_ thing that happens to the best of us. All it means is that I'll have to pick up soy milk for you the next time we go shopping." The good doctor smiled warmly and patted Elec man on the head, ruffling his hair slightly. Elec man shook it back into place seconds after.

Soon he was presented with a slip of paper.

"What's this?" Elec man took the offering warily.

"Just something for you to reference. It's a list of all the foods you should avoid from now on. Unless I can come across any alternatives." Light smiled again as Elec man began to read over the list.

No cheese, no milk, no yogurt, _no ice cream!? _Fuck, he _liked _ice cream! Elec man felt as if that fact alone intensified his cramps.

"_Great."_ He moaned. "Ok, so I know what caused this, and what's _going_ to cause this. But what do I do about it _now?_ Suffer?"

"On the contrary! All we'll need to do is purge your tanks and you'll be as good as new." Light passed the robot master a brightly coloured bucket.

Elec man grimaced.


	2. Discovery

Elec man, being the flawless robot that he was, didn't like to recognize when he made a mistake. But he was never quicker to come to terms with this one.

Ever since he told the others about his inability to consume dairy, he has been bombarded with joke after irritating joke.

"Lactose intolerant? What does _that_ mean?" cut man asked between bites of his potato chips.

"It's a fancy way of sayin' that if he touches milk, he _**dies**_." Bombman drolled, smirking playfully at the glare Elec man shot at him.

"_What!? B-but you can't __**die**__, Elec man!_" Cut man whined.

"Yeah, I mean, with you gone, who _else_ is gonna spend five hours in the bathroom putting on his makeup?" Oil man chimed, playfully tugging on Elec man's ponytail; earning him a swat from the irritated robot master.

"Don't touch my hair!" Elec man hissed. Oil man held his hands up in defence.

"See what I mean? To-tal _diva._"

"It's not that big of a deal." Elec man spoke. "It just means I can't eat-"

"No yogurt, no cheese, no milk, no butter, no ice cream…" Oil man listed.

"No _ice cream?_ Ouch, that's rough…" Ice man winced.

"Dr. Light said that for humans, some can tolerate more than others. I suppose it could be the same for me…" Elec man mused. 

"Well you know what that means then. We gotta shovel food down your throat 'till we see what makes you _puke!_" Guts man smirked, pounding a fist into his hand.

"See this is why you're not a lab-bot." Bomb man remarked as he knocked the back of his hand against Guts man's chest.

"Enough!" Elecman announced, deciding to put an end to this conversation. "Look, nobody's _dying_. It's just a condition I have. Dr. Light said it's perfectly normal, and I'm still the same _beautiful, perfect,_ robot I was, so can we _please_ not make a big deal out of this?" Elec man huffed as he crossed his arms and legs; and for a while, the room was silent.

"...So, I guess you could say this was a pretty legen_dariy_ discovery~" Cut man snickered, getting a glare from the others and a faint "_Booooo."_ from Oil man.

"Everybody's a critic." Cut man pouted. Elec man mopped his face with his hand and sighed.

"I give up."


	3. Dinner

It had been approximately 2 days, 4 hours, 7 minutes, and 11 seconds since Elec man's diagnosis, at least according to Time man. And with each day, he would wake up hoping that the previous one had been simply but a nightmare. And each time he was proven wrong when he would look over and see the neatly folded slip of paper that contained his banned food's list; along with more jokes thrown his direction.

Needless to say, Elec man did a lot of eye rolling throughout the day.

Cut to dinner time; everyone was present, and Light had made a family favorite; hamburgers. This pleased Elec man, for he hadn't eaten a bite all day, and what better way to spend a particularly rainy Friday night than eating one of his favorite dinners and relaxing. Just as he was going in for a bite, he felt his wrist being grabbed.

"Hold it! Cheese inspection!" Roll said with a finger wag. Yet another eye roll from Elec man.

"_Really?_" Elecman whined in a tone that said '_can't a 'bot __**relax?**_' as Roll confiscated his plate.

"We have to make sure of these things! The last thing we want is for you to get cramps again and end up throwing up in an alley." Roll replied, inspecting his food.

Elec man's face turned bright red.

"**FIRE MAN!**" his head snapped to his right.

"I'm sorry, Elec man. But she asked, and I didn't want to _lie_…" Fire man all but shrank in his seat.

"Ah-_ha!_" Roll shouted as she pulled a strip of cheese off of Elec man's burger triumphantly. "The perpetrator!"

"Oh my." said Dr. Light. "How did _that _get there? I'm sorry, Elec man. I must have gotten your plate mixed up with someone elses."

Guts man stopped mid-chew and looked inside of his burger. "Huh...no _wonder_ this tasted plain…"

"_Fantastic._" Elec man leaned back and slouched in his seat melodramatically.

"Now, now, this isn't an issue. We'll just take the cheese off and it'll be like it was never there." Light consoled.

"Good job, Roll. You saved the wicked witch from melting~" Oil man Chortled.

"Oh _quiet you._" Elec man rested his hand on his cheek and bit into his meal.


End file.
